Emphasizing the e-practical Analysis/Commentary Everybody has getting ahead in mind, but few stop to think about "getting there" commonsensically. Practical processes take the back seat to power on the Web, to the marketing- or techno-buzz of bureaucrats and programmers who write the Web's language. What do you want? Sure, they're ready to tell you that they know what you want, but how do you actually get it? Ask Joe, the part-time programmer, or ask his boss, King Tut, the Director of Marketing. It feels like you're lost in Oklahoma, with some old-timer telling you, "I wouldn't try to get there from here." A case in point. This week I tried to obtain some software for a new laptop, and to make airline and hotel reservations for a short trip. First stop, McAfee.com, the virus-killing software. I paid my $29 by credit card and McAfee introduced me to its newer-than-new ASP. ASP stands for "application service provider," and McAfee was proposing to scan my drive remotely using the Internet. Fine. I paid my money, but did I get my disk scanned? Nope. A warning box popped up, saying that since I was using a networked computer (Windows 2000), McAfee needed to obtain user privileges. Duh. I still haven't figured the problem out -- but, hey, I'm working on it. Next stop, Priceline.com. This travel service has a dumb-as-wood business model it has managed to get patented. Talk about anti-goofproof; Priceline takes the cake. Priceline accepts one-way bids -- if Priceline accepts, no backing out, no-way-no-how. What did I do? I wanted to go to Las Vegas, so I offered Priceline $200 for a round-trip ticket by air to Las Vegas for four days. I posted my "bid" and waited an hour (just as Priceline told me). An hour later, I pulled up my Priceline profile. Sorry Charlie, no takers. No airline was willing to sell Priceline a $200 round-trip ticket to Las Vegas. Well, I guess I bid too low. I started cutting my advantage. How about three days for $250? What do you say, Priceline? An hour later, oh goody, Priceline accepted my bid. Now I was cooking with oil. But the airlines burned me -- well, not exactly burned me -- my three days in Las Vegas turned out to be one-and-a-half. The plane takes off at 8 p.m. on the first day, and at 7 a.m. on the third day. Sheesh, I shot myself in the foot! Next stop, Travelocity.com, to look for hotel reservations. The prices at Travelocity didn't match. The first page said $49 a night and the third page $65 a night -- at the same hotel, for the same stay. Somebody's database is scwooey. (I defaulted to my Elmer Fudd impression.) Finally, I picked up the phone. After 20 minutes of very bad canned music, a voice answered -- must have been the marketing guy, filling in for Joe the programmer -- "It's an Internet service," he told me, emphatically, "you order using the Internet." Okay, okay. That seemed to make sense, until two minutes after I hung up when I remembered that the site had instructed me to make reservations over the phone, using the number provided. I redialed Travelocity. "Oh," said the marketing guy, "here's the number to the hotel you were interested in." After a third call, this time directly to a Las Vegas hotel 1-800 number, I had my reservations for $49 a night. I begin to agree with the pundits that all the Net is good for is porn and e-mail. But stay tuned, I haven't given up on it yet. December 13, 2000