Where's the guy with the gavel?
Analysis/Humor
Don't you miss the ambiance of "real, live" auctions?
Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn raising their hands at the same time,
Thomas Crown and paramour scrapping over a Vermeer, and
Jackie O. making a breach for the photographers? A short
stop at Sotheby's to bid on a second-rate Picasso, then a shopping spree at Tiffany's?
Compared to the nostalgia of Manhattan's high-rolling
East Side, auction sites on the Net shed about as much dazzle as a hobo jungle cookout. But, hey, "who loves ya, baby?" That's right, eBay.com. Hooray.
Let's type "tickle me Elmo" on eBay's search
line, just to see what happens:
Tickle Me Elmo - Never Removed From Box - $9.99 - 0 -08/12 - 20:58
Elmo Tickle me Elmo by Sesame Street CUTE!- $25.00 - 0 - 08/14 - 14:4
Tickle Me Elmo, ORIGINAL! NO RESERVE - $8.50 - 0 -08/15 - 13:57
Tickle Me Elmo. Must see - $1.00 - 1 - 08/16 - 21:37
Child's Tickle Me Elmo Backpack NR - $1.50 - 0 - 08/17 - 05:43
Tickle Me Elmo in Excellent Shape!!! - $5.99 - 0- 08/17 - 06:16
Like New Red Tickle Me Elmo HaHaHa!! - $6.99 - 0 - 08/17 - 10:12
Darling Tickle Me Elmo Backpack *NEW* - $9.99 - 0 - 08/17 - 16:22
Tickle Me, I'm Elmo. Fine condition - $2.50 - 0 - 08/19 01:28
An online bidder must reasonably anticipate a certain amount of
sleeplessness from shopping auction sites (those dates at the end represent the expiration of bids),
and must evidently discriminate between a Tickle Me Elmo in "fine
condition" (he's been working out) and an Elmo "never been
removed from his box" (sounds scary).
Notice how the only bid so far has been for the "must
see" Elmo? And do you suppose they make Elmo backpacks in Federal prison?
The indication "no reserve" means
that auction houses can legally set a reserve
price that might be higher than the winning bid. A bidder
might win a $150 printer at an online auction house, only
to discover that the real price is $200.
Generally, two kinds of bids prevail: English
and Dutch style. With the first, bids begin low,
and gradually increase. With the second, an assortment's
price starts off at a fixed level, but sometimes
plummets as sellers attain their profit goals and decide
to lower the asking price. Dutch auctions appeal to liquidators.
So which Elmo are we going to buy? Shall we grab the CUTE one?
August 11, 1999
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